East Bay Slimes

JOHNNY APPLESEED // Outside the small thicket of apple trees, the phrase "tended to by John Chapman" is carved into a fencepost. Nearby, a hound lies on its side, perfectly still. Flies buzz around its ears, but a grizzled man pauses at his digging to shoo them off. You brush a couple of flies from the dog's face. The man nods. "Much obliged. He kept me company when I moved from orchard to orchard, but—" He breaks off. For a while, the only sound is the shovel in the dirt. "The orchard isn't mine. I come through the country, find a homesteader who needs a crop to turn out. Plant some seeds. It's a sin to graft, you know. It hurts the apple trees. God's creatures shouldn't suffer." Tears cut neat patterns through the grime on his cheeks. "He was a stray. I gave him some scraps one day while I was selling trees, and he just followed me after that." Every so often, he turns to look at the still figure lying by the fence. He stoops to the ground & lowers the pup into the earth. "I'll see him again in heaven," he tells you. "Our souls are bound by love." He wipes his eyes. "I don't think I can bear to stay here, though. Maybe I'll set out again."
--
Appleseed was in fact a real person, a wandering eccentric who was devoutly religious and could be found dressed in a “coarse coffee sack with a hole for his neck and the waists of four pairs of pants shingled ’round him". The apples he planted weren't very edible, mostly ideal for making hard cider. But the Ohio Company of Associates had developed a policy to encourage colonization of Native lands: 100 acres to anyone who permanently settled (i.e. plant apple trees, which took years to bear fruit). So, rather than cultivating a wholesome fruit for snacking, he really just helped colonizers get drunk and steal some land. Johnny was a “benign symbol to celebrate the process of American empire-building: popular Front icon in the 1930s, Cold War hero in the 1950s, 1960’s proto-hippie, Reagan-era entrepreneurial genius in the 1980s, environmentalist, friend of the natives, & contemporary tourist magnet." (W. Kerrigan)

🖐️soft jellyfizz x wax-dip icee+clay apple
👃jellyfizz slime: crunchy fallen apple leaves (custom blend)
👃wax-dipped apple (OPTIONAL -- MUST PURCHASE SEPARATELY -- SEE BELOW): homebrewed hard apple cider; fresh hay (custom blend)
+"dirt and moss crumbles", wheat, greenery (apple stem), apple fimos, metal stars

DISCLAIMER ABOUT WAX-DIPPED APPLES; PLEASE READ BEFORE PURCHASING
Alright guys, here's the deal with the apples. I spent hours. Hours trying to make these things work. They are massive and ridiculously fragile / heavy with tons of layers of wax. Yes, they kinda look like wrinkly lemons. They're very fun to crack. They smell amazing and the scent blends well with the base. It is very possible they'll crack in transit no matter how well I package them bc of how heavy and fragile they are. I'm going to make these an optional add-on that you can purchase separately with the base slime, with full knowledge and understanding that they may crack, you are purchasing AT YOUR OWN RISK, and I will NOT be issuing refunds for cracked apples. I'm sorry, everyone -- I tried! I wanted to give everyone the option to purchase anyways to experience the blend of scents and textures as intended. No hard feelings if you want just the base slime. Ty ily ❤️